


Grabbing Hold

by TableForThree_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-16
Updated: 2005-12-16
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4688426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TableForThree_Archivist/pseuds/TableForThree_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>by Artimis Potter</p><p>He wants to die. Who will save his broken soul...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grabbing Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jonathan Andrew Sheen, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Table for Three](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Table_for_Three). When traffic and uploads slowed to a trickle, it became difficult to justify the hosting expenses. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in January 2015. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Table for Three collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/triofic/profile).

Grabbing Hold  
  
Artimis Dreamstar  
  
\------------------------------------  
  
I want to die.  
  
Yes, the Savior of the Wizarding World wants to die.  
  
No, not because my godfather died.  
  
Okay, so that's part of it.  
  
I'm so alone.  
  
A waste of space.  
  
I have no one to turn to.  
  
No one to talk to.  
  
No one to save me from the most deadly of enemies.  
  
Myself.  
  
They all think my life is perfect.  
  
They all want to be me.  
  
I wish I could trade them.  
  
The people who I call my friends are jealous of me.  
  
Why?  
  
Because I'm famous and rich.  
  
I don't want it.  
  
Any of it.  
  
Little do they know.  
  
I'm jealous of them.  
  
They have the two things I want most.  
  
Family and love.  
  
My family's dead so there goes that.  
  
Nobody could love me.  
  
Not a murderer like me.  
  
I murdered my parents.  
  
I murdered Cedric.  
  
I murdered Sirius.  
  
I murdered everyone who died in the second rise of Voldemort.  
  
It's all my fault they're dead.  
  
That's why I want to die.  
  
So now you know why I have a knife pointing to my heart.  
  
I'm done.  
  
Finished.  
  
I'm dieing tonight.  
  
Fuck the prophecy.  
  
Fuck Voldemort.  
  
I want out.  
  
And I'm getting that wish tonight  
  
Ever since Sirius died I was hollow.  
  
And cold.  
  
Unfeeling.  
  
Now I will feel again.  
  
Shit, I have to do this now.  
  
Someone's coming up the stairs.  
  
Right for the door.  
  
My mind is screaming at me to do it now.  
  
I can't.  
  
I can't move my hands.  
  
I close my eyes.  
  
The door opens.  
  
I hear it.  
  
There was a feminine scream of my name.  
  
Now the knife is gone.  
  
No! I want to yell.  
  
But I can't.  
  
I can't find my voice.  
  
I open my eyes.  
  
My best friends stand before me.  
  
They look sad.  
  
'Why?' Hermione asks me.  
  
I answer truthfully.  
  
'Because I want to.'  
  
'Because I want to give up.'  
  
She kneels down on the floor in front of me.  
  
She takes my hand in hers.  
  
Why?  
  
Why is she being nice?  
  
Why isn't she angry?  
  
I would be angry.  
  
If I could feel, that is.  
  
'We've always been here for you.' She tells me.  
  
'We've always been here to help.'  
  
Great, she's lecturing me.  
  
The next thing she says stuns me.  
  
'We love you, Harry.'  
  
It can't be true.  
  
No one could love me-  
  
Could they?  
  
I have to make sure.  
  
'Really?' I ask her.  
  
'Yes.'  
  
She says yes.  
  
Well, now I know I can still feel.  
  
Because I feel plenty of shame.  
  
They love me.  
  
And I hurt them.  
  
I look away.  
  
I'm going to cry.  
  
Not now.  
  
Not in front of them.  
  
But I do.  
  
I start crying.  
  
Hermione puts her arms around me.  
  
Soothing me  
  
Comforting me.  
  
I feel Ron's arms too.  
  
They make me feel safe.  
  
They make me feel.  
  
They lay down, taking me with them.  
  
I lay between them.  
  
I'm still crying.  
  
Only it's harder now.  
  
It's more like sobs.  
  
I'm clinging to Hermione.  
  
My lifelines.  
  
My saviors.  
  
My friends.  
  
They hold me as I cry.  
  
Rocking me.  
  
Stroking my hair.  
  
Rubbing my back.  
  
Finally exhaustion sets in.  
  
I'm so tired.  
  
'Don't leave me.' I whisper.  
  
'We won't.' Ron's deep voice.  
  
I still cling to Hermione.  
  
But I feel better.  
  
As I drift off to sleep I realize one thing-  
  
I'm not alone.  
  
\------------------------------------


End file.
